“Why Did You Become a Doula?”

This is one of the big questions if you Google “What to ask my Doula in an interview”. It’s one of the first questions they tell you to ask.

Ever wondered why?

It seems like a basic question and probably doesn’t matter that much to WHY you would hire them, right?
Wrong.

Anyone in business/HR/hiring will tell you that every question asked in an interview has underlying meanings. From asking your goals and dreams to your favorite color, they are looking for something in your response.

There aren’t any hiring seminars on interviewing a doula and analyzing the answers, so I’m going to break this down for you straight from the source on what you should be looking for between the lines of those questions.

So, why should you ask this question?

First, it’s a great way to get to know them a little. They will likely tell you about any children they have, possibly their own birth experiences, any specific passions they have for a type of birth, etc.

Almost as important, you will hear some red flags if you know what you’re listening for.

Trauma. This is something you should be listening for in their “story”. Many doulas find a passion for this business from their own traumatic experience. Maybe they agreed to an induction they should have said no to, it led to interventions, then a cesarean section and their goal is to now save all other women from that experience. Eeeeek, that’s a red flag!

This is a sign that the person has not healed from their experience and instead has turned it into an agenda, and that’s not something you want in your birthing circle. Think of that aunt that always has to tell her birth horror story at everyone’s baby shower. She hasn’t healed from her experience and instead has tried to give it a purpose by “saving” everyone and warning these poor unsuspecting moms.

Similarly, some doulas go into this business to give their trauma a purpose.

Can you be a good doula if you have experienced trauma in labor? Of course! Just like you can take a healthy approach to any career despite trauma.

What you want to listen for is if that’s the sole purpose for their career. And honestly, you are their potential client! They really shouldn’t be sharing traumatic birth experiences with you, in the first place.

Agenda. This is the next thing you want to listen for when talking to your potential doula. This could be something along the lines of, “I had a beautiful natural birth with absolutely zero interventions and I want to make sure that everyone has that experience too”. Oh my, nope!

Again, they shouldn’t even be sharing that information with you in the first place.
Maybe your goal is to go completely natural. That may sound appealing that your doula is on board with your goals! Then at 37 weeks you are diagnosed with preeclampsia, an induction is going to happen, interventions are likely, and now this “all natural doula” is experiencing something outside of her comfort zone.

Can you be a good doula that had a beautiful, all natural birth? Of course! IF you can differentiate between your birth and the clients birth. Your birth experience is not the same as their birth experience. Whether it was absolutely beautiful and perfect, or it was traumatic and terrifying.

Passion (or lack thereof) is the next thing you want to listen for.

“Meh, it pays the bills and I get to be my own boss” – This is a red flag because it doesn’t sound like they take their career very seriously. You want someone that is passionate about their job. Someone that is continuing their education and up to date on the latest information.

“I love this career, supporting families as they grow and providing them the best support possible is something that never gets old!” – this is a great answer!

So with all that being said, what SHOULD your doula say when you ask that question?

For some reason, this career is not looked at as a normal career in the business world. But if you were interviewing someone to work for you and provide a service, how would you want them to respond?

Let’s use a wedding planner as an example. If you asked her why she became a wedding planner, you would likely hear something short and sweet like “I love this season of life! Weddings should be wonderful and stress free. I love being able to provide that service for other women!”

If your potential wedding planner said, “I had the absolute WORST wedding. My caterer canceled last minute, my dress tore, and the band didn’t show up! I want to make sure that never happens to anyone again!!”

Yikes!

Kind of sounds like that person needs to re-do her own wedding and not bring all that anger into MY wedding.

Same. Thing.

You’re looking for a healthy, professional response.

After nearly 8 years in this business, I’ll share mine!

I had two birth experiences. The first one I was alone and didn’t know much. And I mean, I was clueless!! Didn’t even remember a placenta. The second one I had SO much support and a little more knowledge, but it still wasn’t professional support and everyone supporting me was emotionally invested because they were family.

After those two experiences, I wondered what the solution was… Being clueless was nice. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose! But I also loved having my family around. So I started researching, discovered the term “doula”, and that was the answer to questions I didn’t even know I had. So I knew that I would be having a doula at my next birth, it made so much sense!

The more I looked into it, the more I realized that this was the career I had been looking for! I loved candy striping as a teenager in the labor and delivery department and thought I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. In reality, the tasks I was performing as the candy striper were that of a doula.

One day I got to support a woman who was completely alone. Her husband was deployed and she had no family in town. Her mom was going to come but she went into labor early.

I stayed by her side, I got her pillows and ice, I rubbed her back through contractions and held her hand as she received an epidural. She squeezed my hand as she pushed and I wiped her tears after she met her baby. I was a little 14 year old doula and I didn’t even know!

I love meeting you where you are and helping you discover your goals for your birth experience

Now I don’t give this whole explanation every time, but always a version of it.

My favorite part about this job is also my least favorite, and that is when we come to the end of supporting a client.

We got to watch you grow in confidence as a parent and make decisions for yourself and your baby. You look to us a lot in the beginning and then the confidence grows and you don’t even need to ask us, you trust yourself.
We are so proud to watch you go off into the parenting world, but sad because we will miss you!

So get out there and find your doula, ask those questions, and really listen to the answers with confidence that you know what their responses mean.

To make things a little easier I made a checklist to ask yourself after asking that question:

Did they tell a negative story about their own birth?
Did they indicate or even hint they had a negative experience with their own birth?
If they indicated they had a negative experience, did they say they became a doula to keep that from happening to others?
Do you feel that the doula has an agenda for birth?

Last but not least, we are here for you too! Our Instagram DM’s, Facebook messages, and email are always open for anyone wanting to learn more about Doulas and the birth process.

Even if you’re not in the Tulsa area or don’t use our services, we’re always happy to answer your questions.

Why Did You Become A Doula?

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